When the heart breaks

Jay and I were enjoying our coffee on the porch.  My heart felt full of joy over the first day of summer, enjoying time with my bestie and the birdsong of a Towhee.  Then the text came. 

I had to enlarge it because the print was small.  And there was a picture too.  I gasped when I saw who it was.

Tears filed my eyes.  A person I have known and loved for a long time is likely going to prison for having a meth lab in his home.

Before learning about TMS (Tension Myostitis Syndrome), my reaction likely would have been one of anger (HOW COULD HE?) or judgment (HE GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO HIM!)  And THEN – I probably would have developed a migraine or a new bodily ache. 

We get so used to distracting ourselves by taking the raw emotion and turning into an ego-approved response instead of sitting with it and allowing the emotion to do its healing work.

And while reactions of anger or judgement are totally justifiable they tend to be distraction from the underlying feeling: Sadness. 

Emotions are Energy in Motion and that energy is going to find SOMEWHERE to vent.

Now, I could go on about the epidemic of addiction and the seriousness and damage it does to entire communities but that is another article. 

I believe it’s more important to talk about what I believe is the underlying problem for addiction.  The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety.  It is connection. 

And that connection must first be with yourself.  Are you able to cry when you’re sad?  Or express anger when someone hurts you or you feel pain?  Are you able to voice your displeasure without beating yourself up later when and if you do?

If you suffer from chronic pain, I think it’s safe to say you’ve been keeping your emotions tightly under wraps like I learned to do. 

So yeah.  Today, I’m weepy.  I feel very sad over this situation.  But I will process through the sorrow.  My hope for you is that whatever you’re dealing with today, you can allow yourself the freedom to really feel those emotions.

Connection must begin with yourself.